If you’re parenting a child with a PDA profile, you’ve likely seen behaviour that looks like defiance—refusing, ignoring, pushing back over simple things.
For PDA children, everyday demands can trigger anxiety and a loss of control. What looks like “won’t” is often a genuine “can’t” in that moment. The more pressure they feel, the more they resist.
Common Trap
When we think it’s defiance, we push harder—repeat the demand, raise our voice, add consequences. Unfortunately, that usually escalates things.
Small Shifts That Help
Soften the demand: “I wonder which shirt you’ll pick today?”
Offer choices: “Before or after breakfast?”
Use playful or indirect language
Focus on connection before compliance
The Reframe
When we move from “they’re being difficult” to “they’re feeling overwhelmed,” our response changes—and so does the outcome.
You’re not lowering expectations. You’re meeting your child where they are.
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